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Tami's BlogThe Complete Guide to Keeping The Peace Around Your Family
Tami Lancut Leibovitz
Passover is just around the corner, and before we dive into the all-familiar family dinner, maybe we should first define some ground rules that will guarantee some peace and quiet around the table: how to separate aunts and XXX, why we shouldn’t discuss politics, how can we avoid family arguments, and why its so important to define the seating arrangments beforehand.Who knows, you might just find that yourself enjoying the family dinner.
1. Invite Early onTime
True, most of the time you’ll have a good idea who’s going to attend when you host a family dinner. However, seeing as there are always two sides who invite you and your significant other, its important to plan ahead and try to avoid unnecessary conflicts. For example, if your daughter is also invited to dinner from her husband’s side of the family, try thinking large and inviting her parents-in-law as well - there’s plentym of food for everyone!
2. Inform Your Guests
After you’ve decided on a guest list, let your guests know who will be attending. This way, if two or more guests are not in good terms, they have a chance to mentally prepare to see eachother, and won’t be caught off-guard when they see eachother at dinner.
3. Pre-arranged Seating Arrangements
Even if we’re used to just calling everyone to the table, it is important to decide on seating arrangements ahead of time in order to avoid any awkwardness around the
table. I recommend preparing small notes with everyone’s names and setting them in advance.
4. “Setting Up” Your Guests
When you plan your seating arrangements, make sure to seat parents next to their young so that they may explain to them the different holiday traditions. The older children may be seated together, separately from the parents, so that they may converse freely and bond with one another. If your guest list calls for participants who aren’t currently getting along, make sure to seat them far away from eachother so that they may avoid direct eye-contact. Older relatives should be seated next to atleast one younger relative, so that they may be assisted if the need arises.
5. Greeting Your Guests
Even though you invited them, your guests will still want to hear how happy you are to see them. Make sure you let them know mas soon as they walk through the door.
6. The Social Lubricant
As you know, alcohol can create a light and playful atmosphere around the table. Try serving alcoholic drinks as soon as possible, perhaps by greeting guests with a fruit cocktail and a smile.
7. The Art of Conversation
It is the host’s responsibility to make sure the conversation flows throughout dinner. In order to avoid awkward situations, make sure to prepare conversation topics that would involve most of the guests beforehand.
8. In Case of an Argument
Even if after all your preparation an argument arises during dinner, know that the responsiblity of diffusing the conflict rests on the host’s shoulders. To do so, stand and demand the arguing members end their argument (“As your host, I ask you to refrain from speaking of the subject during dinner”), and remind them how hard you’ve worked on the event (“Maybe you should try the…”)
9. Waitressing Might Just Save The Day
In case you sense a conflict brewing, ask one of the problematic participants to come help you with serving or clearing the dishes. In this way you break their conversation and avoid the confrontation in advance. Tip: Prepare a few extra sides to use in such a scenario.
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